Today is Christmas. The first day of my 20 week training. It was a rest day.

Did you get any cool running gifts? Do you use any running apps?

I want to be clear.  I meant all of it.

Except maybe the blogging part.

Well the lady blogging part.

I’m back and I’m back with avenegence so I can start one of the most annoying forms of blogging in the WORLD:  RUNNER BLOGGING.

Now before you go getting all snitty about how I just totally dissed your personal brand of blogging, let me give it to you straight.  Most blogging is really ridiculous.  It’s kind of like the voice memo function on your iPhone:  sometimes you engage just to hear your own voice.

Blogging can also be a really great way to organize your thoughts, vent or just generally keep track of your own life.  But honestly, what is more annoying than a girl who posts pictures of her husband, calzones and quasi famous authoresses?  Oh, girls who blog about their wedding.  And now marathon training.

On December 25 (read:  Christmas) I start my 20 week training plan for the Pittsburgh Marathon  I have the little tracker app on my phone which during the pre training has been really helpful, but let’s all be honest with ourselves, I skip work outs, refuse to track mileage and generally sleep in on Fridays.  Well, no more.  I want more than anything (even more than the Frye boots I’ve been coveting for 3 years — AHEM TINY BIG) to finish this sucker in 5 hours in my city WITHOUT having to be rushed into the care of Dr. Best Man — remember him?   Yeah me either.

The slight hitch is that we leave for a very London vacation on Wednesday December 28.  The same day I’m supposed to run 35 minutes.

As we say in Pittsburgh, Here we go!

Also, can we talk about how I am literally obsessed with the Hunger Games Triology?

Oh and I’m looking for a new job?

Oh and that MB moved back.

Oh and Happy Holidays!

I stated reading The Heart and The Fist at the strong urging or my mother. Jan is a big fan of Veterans and an even bigger fan of the Today Show. The author, Eric Greitens was on the Today Show and my mom just knew that I would love a good book about one of my favorite subjects – Vets.

I downloaded the book to my Nook, and despite the rhyming, I absolutely love love love reading electronically. I immediately fell in love with Eric’s stories. He vividly tells about the myriad of commitments he’s made throughout his life. He starts with the {what to me seems to be random} decision to box. You know like train to be a fighter. He starts off kind of rocky and then he ends up training with one of the best fighters in America. Of course. Then he travels to Bolivia, Rwanda caring for people. India, Gaza, Croatia, running into Mother Teresa, caring for people. Children, people who wanted and needed it – some who didn’t {want it. They needed it}. He took pictures, he learned to appreciate life, how to live well, and most of all that there is something certain to live for – to live well. He also did well to go ahead and get himself a Rhodes Scholarship – not a dumb guy.

But, despite his commitment to doing good and living a good life, he understood that goodness came at a price and the price was born and paid for by those who were willing to lay down their lives. And so instead of becoming an academic, or taking a hgh paying job at a consulting firm, Eric joins the navy and becomes a SEAL.

Of course, becoming a SEAL literally almost killed me. The things that those men had to do – have to do – made my stomach hurt and exhausted me. But I was so impressed. Eric left everything that might have meant something to other people, probably everyone else – esteem and money – to do something that mattered to HIM. Something that mattered in a way that aligned with chosen trajectory of his life. As I read and felt tired and scared for those men, I said to myself probably the only rational thing an overweight 28 eight year old Washington DC-er can and should say to herself: I’m going to become a Navy SEAL.

Well, according the Navy, the Internet and about 7 people I talked to in person about this resolve, not only could I not legally do it there is no way that I would physically handle the training. THOSE PEOPLE ARE DROWNED PROOFED LADIES AND GENTS. Drown proofed. Whatever.

What I’ve failed to mention to this point is that 3 days before I started reading The Heart and the Fist, I had my thrice yearly mental break down. You know the one, where I lament the trajectory of my own life and how disappointed I am that I haven’t done anything with my life that directly benefits others. And my statute of limitations is quickly reaching its expiration – In two years I’m not going to be able to jump on a plane and go deworm orphans in Somalia. Or start a nonprofit that directly helps the poor. Or really anything that would seem radical and in any way helpful. And then I read about this guy who just goes out and gets it. He improves himself radically, serves other for like years and then determines that oh that wasn’t enough I should probably serve my country by going through the most serious training in the world.

I had a mental breakdown.

For about two days I thought about joining the Army Reserves, the Peace Corps, a Church Youth Group. Anything.

And then Kate reminded me I do serve Veterans. Mostly indirectly, every day.

And that’s when it hit me – New Media is my Navy SEALS.

The training has not been easy. Now it’s not been drown pool, PT log hard, but it’s been a serious transition. And there’s so much work to do. It’s not reconnaissance of Pakistan or good will missions to Borneo much but it’s important. As Brandon says we are here to get the right information to the right Veteran at the right time. It’s not easy. We’re meeting them online in way that we know, but they’re challenging us to find them elsewhere, with even more germane knowledge every day. And who says I can’t or shouldn’t train and commitment like the seals do. No one. As a public servant, especially one of Veterans it’s my responsibility to train like there’s no tomorrow, because the hardest mission might just be the very next one.

Some days the work bleeds into the next – and there are fire to be put out and meals ot be skipped and comrades to be saved – in the figurative sense of course. And it’s all important. Just like the work the SEALS do. And just like a SEAL (minus the muscle and the trust of a nation) I have to, for the good of my team and the people I serve (love you VETS!) I will give my all. Every day. For the rest of my life (or my career – at least)

I was shocked in the way most people are shocked when they hear about the loss of a young life, but also deeply chilled because her accident, that occurred 6 hours prior to my arrival, happened on the very road I take every month. My home stretch.
Jan had heard about it on the news so her shock had subsided but we both decided that it was in excellent taste that the performance was canceled. The next day’s show, which we were slated to attend, was TBD. I knew in my heart that this was one case where the show absolutely could not go on.
I’m from a small part of the world and the high school was a corresponding microcosm of the planet. 10 years ago I had little respect for my teachers and less for our administrators -the same people all these years later managing the tragedy on the hill. When word came at 5:15 that the 7:30 show would go on as scheduled while a cast member would be painfully and obviously absent I raged. Nothing had changed up there I yelled to my captive family at Applebees. And what’s worse is that the so called adults left it up to the students,THE CHILDREN, to decide if they should perform! They have no capacity to understand their grief right now! But, I bucked up, ate my boneless buffalo wings and resolved that I would support my cousin and the rest of the kids. They were going to need it.
The performance was a high school musical – upbeat, young, fun and full of life. It was painful to watch at times: the girl who was killed 29 hours before was in the frequently featured dance troupe of 10 (now 9) girls. Some of her colleagues were in obvious pain. But everyone -from the leads to the tiniest 7th grader in the chorus-gave the performance of their lives. During the last number which under ordinary circumstances is emotional and exciting there was nothing on that stage but joy. I realized then that the adults had made the right choice. The children knew they could do it mostly because they had to. They had to dedicate the performance to their fallen friend but they also have begin to restore themselves. Life as they knew it- mostly tranquil and easy- had been interrupted by death. A concept so certain yet so foreign that it can rock even the most seasoned adult to their core.
Later I thought of all of my friends who have by sheer luck survived this long. The young girl was doing something mundane that she probably did often – she was off to see her boyfriend. I thought of how lucky we all are to still have each other and how relieved and grateful our families are when they get that text or phone call: I’m home.
I spent time on my way back to the great white city thanking some higher power for each moment. Especially those where I’m filled with organic joy. And as I drove past the place where an almost fellow alumnae lost her life I thanked that same higher power for the mercy and wisdom granted to those children left behind – and for the opportunity to take one more trip.

—-
For more info  on the accident and the amazing students of RHS please email me at wifeandblog (at) gmail (dot) com

I’ve been thinking a lot this weekend about why I’ve started literally 18 posts {that number is unnerving to me} without being satisfied enough to hit publish.  What am I looking for this post to be?

And then, while browsing my regular blogs I realized, I want to write and about and post things *I* want to read.

A self-centered reaction, to be sure, especially from a blogger who has been MIA more consistently in recent memory than she ever was writing thoughtful pieces.  My revelation makes complete sense to me because my life has changed BIG time, and I’ve {thankfully} changed with it.  My goals and hobbies are different, my focus is different, the things that fulfill me are different and in many ways, those differences were too big to be captured on my blog — something that has had a consistent tone and a few consistent themes.  In a lot of ways, this shifting gears post was inevitable.  And I can honestly say for the first time in almost a year, this is a really satisfying post. 

In case you were wondering my two other most satisfying posts are found here and here.  I can harken back to them without even having to search my own  blog — the satisfaction is still with me.

Now what?

First, I’m going to start my incrementally filling you in on my goals for this, the year of the rabbit.  Then, I’ll probably not so incrementally take you on the whirlwind tour of my job  and the career choice that lead to a long distance marriage.  THEN you’ll get the even more whirlwind overview of the nuts and bolts of said long distance marriage and I will, at greater length tell you how it’s quickly grown from long distance union to a transcontinental love affair.  But mostly I’m going to be talking about improvement:  improving myself by improving my health, career satisfaction, mind and relationships.  Improving the way I live my life in big ways and in small and trying to capture the very real ways that I’ve changed as a human being over the last 6 months and how I anticipate I will continue to change.  I want to write the blog that I’m excited to log onto every day to read.

Oh — and I’ve also got to find more blogs that inspire me.  Do you read anything that really, really inspires you?

OHOH!  And I have to tell you about my new Uggs.  They are FABULOUS! {see not everything has to change!}

What have you been up to?  Any big life changes I should know about?

So, I have absolutely no reason to want the very expensive Lily Pulitzer dresses, Jcrew frock, the multiple thousand dollar Louis Vuitton, the bedroom furniture, or the over the knee boots and necklace from Anthropologie. But season 4-present of the Office, but I think someone could probably swing that.
For links to everything I need for my 28th year on Earth, visit me at Polyvore.
What are you looking forward to getting for yourself for no good reason in 2011?

I quickly realized, though, that making lots of plans based on dreams for the near future is a bit silly and has left me feeling out of control and salty.  As I browsed my all but neglected twitter feed, I ran into the always inspirational lululemon, who was touting the goal of one of their employees; homegirl is going to run an ultra marathon next year.

Everyone take a deep breath.  I will NOT be running an ultra marathon.  What I DID decide from that extreme runner’s piece, though is that I need to start setting goals not planning on dreams.  Lucky for me the ever helpful lululemon has some tools to help me start setting goals for the year of the rabbit.

go ahead, admit it.  you missed our faces.

lululemon starts by explaining that goals are not to do lists.  Hmm, a to do list, huh.  I think I have a big ol’ one of those.  The first thing I did in order to set realistic, attainable goals was delete my 101 in 1001.  Let’s be honest, I made those to dos in hasty fashion {I didn’t even HAVE all 101} and there was no way I was going to accomplish them.  The list made me feel inadequate and antsy which in turn made me ignore it.  So here I am one more step closer to creating goals!

Now, I’m supposed to start thinking about my ideal life in order to set goals to help me achieve it.  Yikes!  And ideal life!?  I barely know what I’m going to order when I got to lunch with my brother and sister!!  Thank goodness there are some helpful questions!

After I get through he questions I have some writing homework.  I have to write down some statements and few speeches that will help shape what my ideal life is.  Then the fun part!  I get to make a vision board!  How fun!  Polyvore, here I come.

As I picked through the post on lululemon’s blog I thought about my own forgotten blog.  I miss it terribly and it’s right there in front of my face.  I’m excited that I have this little multi-post project to ease me back into blogging.  Maybe some of my goals will even be blog related ones!

Are you setting goals or making to do lists for 2011?  What helps you live your ideal life?

As I was driving away, with the city sky line in my rearview mirror, I got to thinking of home as kind of a funny concept.

Growing up, home was always the little brick house on the corner.  Home was filled with Mom and Big Paul, Grammy across the yard and Eric.

Then, I went away to college

and then law school

see doubled sticking around?

and then Pittsburgh was my home.  While I was there, you know by now, I met a boy and I felt like home was wherever he was.  But then I moved to Washington, DC and that became my home.

Especially after that boy and I got married.  And now, we have that apartment in California where my darling husband lives.

And that feels like home, too.

What is home?

To me, home is where I feel comfortable.  It’s where I know how to drive everywhere and love to get lost in the streets.  Home is where I can go and walk around and feel the memories swirling around me.  Home is sometimes a house; sometimes it’s a zip code or it’s an apartment.  Home has always been where there have been amazing people who love me and whom I love right back.

I have 4 homes and I’m only 1 girl.  A lucky loved one.

With a lot of options for couches to crash on.

What is home to you?

I was worried when my husband moved us to California that I would miss that change, miss the cool air and that there would be something completely out of whack.  Turns out I had nothing to worry about.

As part of his birthday gift, MB and I went to Kings Canyon National Park, Sequoia National Forest and Sequoia National Park.  There we saw the most beautiful art that God himself could create.  The leaves were just starting to change and we were graced with cool nights, warm afternoon and a promise of change.

Our lives are so different this October than they were last.  And as we stood at the summit of the mountain {we drove there, don’t worry}, I couldn’t help but feel that anticipation that I got each fall from start of a new school year.  My life and our life is at a precipe, there is so much that is about to change.  Not just in the 10 months that we will spend as H+W on seperate coasts, but in the time that we seperately are spending developing our careers and in some ways ourselves.

I can’t tell you how proud I am of MB.  He has been so adaptive, receptive and willing to embrace his new home.  He’s planted a garden, joined a cool book club and plans fun outdoor adventures for us when I’m home.  And at work, he’s doing amazing things, learning what it’s like to be the bottom pickle, and working really well with a brand new team.

For me, I feel like it’s less amazing, the things that I’m doing, because I’m technically at home here too but I’m trying to be really self aware and make sure that my time spent apart from my husband is time really well spent.

Autumn, I suspected, on the west coast woudl be really different.  And in some ways it is.  But in all the right ways, it certainly is not.

How are you dealing with the post-school autumn?