“I Hate You”

Recently, we had an altercation with an upstairs neighbor.  The altercation itself was at first warranted, but as it drug on my first neighbor fight got ugly, and it has left me feeling really off ever since.

The details of how the run-in started are immaterial, but soon, my angry neighbor, who had come to my door with his belt undone, running his hand through his hair, was telling me that since we moved in, we’d ruined his really nice building and he hated  us {me and MB that is} and he couldn’t wait until we moved. 

I had a favorite song once, by the Plain White Ts, which was wisely titled “Hate is a Strong Word”.  Until that instant, when the pudgy, undone, gay, upstairs neighbor told me he hated me, I never understood what the PWTs were saying.  And now I know.

Since that evening, I don’t want to be at home.  I don’t like being somewhere where someone I don’t even know {as in literally had never seen before in my LIFE} hates me for some reasons that are outside of my control {mainly that my dog barks.  He’s a dog.  We’re sorry.  He barks.}  MB and I have rectified the other hate causing triggers, but even so, I still have a very uneasy and almost unshakeable feeling of dread when I’m at home.

The worst part is, we probably aren’t moving {The probably is dependent on if/how the landlord reacts to the altercation that caused this whole mess}.  So, I live in a place where I know someone hates me and my husband.  A lot of close friends have suggested one of two things:  try to talk to them for a truce or completely get over it.  I have no interest in being face to face with that ugly jerk again {ugly because of his personality, like yuck to the max} and at the same time the “I hate you” has been really hard for me to shake and get over, which is shocking because I could usually give a four-letter word what people think of me.  I guess it’s different when people are thinking it, instead of saying it to your face.

Have you ever had someone you don’t really know say, directly to you, something really disparaging?  How did you deal with that situation?

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6 thoughts on ““I Hate You”

  1. oh no! so THAT’s what happened, huh? too bad about your dog and my cat both misbehaving in the same night! at least they didn’t take kanga away! (right?!)

  2. I teach English at a Community College. People say hurtful things to me or about me every semester. Because this guy is right upstairs from your sanctuary (your home base), it’s not like you can get in a car at the end of the day and drive away from the problem. But, in order to save your self esteem and sanity, you must remember that he doesn’t hate you. He doesn’t know you. He just knows neighbor you. He hears the barking dog and assumes that you have some control over this but just prefer to be rude instead. I once had a neighbor who would let her dog out every morning at six am (right outside my window), and when the little thing would bark, she’d scream, “Shut the f@*!! up!” At. the. dog. Then she would have a five minute long coughing fit. Some days, I felt like I hated her, but only for those ten minutes in the morning when my sleep was disrupted.

    If the furthest it goes is that he “hates” you and your spouse, well then, I think it’s his issue, not yours. What kind of person goes around telling people that he hates them, anyway? As long as you’re not in physical danger, I’d say you should compartmentalize the problem and take comfort in the fact that his “hatred” has nothing to do with you. He probably “hates” everyone.

  3. I totally understand. Hate is such a strong word. I’m sorry that someone, who as the wise person who posted above, DOES not know you feels that they hate you. Clearly, he does not know you at all. You are always thinking of other people and if there was anything that you could do to stop this- short of moving- you would happily comply. There are people in my neighborhood who feel the same way about us and the Bug, but I just try to kill them with kindness anytime I see them. It’s hard- I know.

  4. Maybe you could just get one of those ultrasonic wave devices that keep dogs from barking?? Don’t know if they work, but it might be worth a shot!

    And I totally agree, that was out of line what he said to you. It would be one thing if he said it in the heat of a passionate discussion, but it sounded a little premeditated to me.

    I have disliked a lot of my neighbors over the years, but I never told them that! just plain rude. Sorry babe! I do have a solution though, if all else fails…

    Move back to Pittsburgh 🙂

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