On Loosing Your Sibling

Before we were married, Mrs. C wrote elegantly over at Bride and Blog about her sister’s reaction {and Mrs. C’s subsequent reaction to a friend’s pregnancy} to a huge life altering change in a close relationship caused by marriage.

I was the first to get married in my close circle of friends. Because I have great friends, I rarely had to worry about comments from them about needing to spend more time with them or us moving in different directions – but I assume those conversations were had behind my back. Not in mean spirit but as an honest reaction to me moving on with my life and getting married and “leaving” my friends behind. I know my sister, for one, had this reaction to my marriage. …she’s crying so hard at the rehearsal that she can’t make it down the aisle. Dad and I are off to the right laughing so hard that we start crying. “I’m losing my sister!” is all she kept saying. source

Ohhh K. I’ve been thinking a lot about this post and what it means to me, as my brother is getting married six months from  yesterday.

I don’t, in any way, feel like I’m going to physically loose Eric.  He is not going anywhere.  But the moves toward creating a new and extended family as a result of his marriage have already begun to take shape which has resulted in me feeling like he is slowly slipping out of my grasp.  A grasp, I don’t know that was ever very tight.

I think I’m feeling these “slipping away” feelings for two reasons.  First is that I’m super controlling and the second is that he’s a boy.  Let’s look a little closer, but backwards.

It’s been my limited experience that when two people get married the wife usually wins most things.  Take my marriage for example.  I dictate in large part where we go and what we do and my default is usually my family.  Thanksgiving and Christmas?  Johnstown please!  A weekend road trip?  Mom and Dad here we come!  It’s not that I like MB’s parents/family any LESS, it’s just when I’m in charge, I pick what’s comfortable and our homestead is most comfortable for me.  So I have the understanding that from now on Eric is going to be defaulting to another family which is hard to get used to.  What’s harder are watching and bearing witness to the obvious actions it takes to get used to the new default.  Lots of “where’s Eric?” “When is Eric coming home?” and “When will we see Eric” when MB and I do default to Jan and Paul. 

The second part is I’m really controlling.  I like things the way I like them and I’d prefer if everyone just did everything the way I liked them forever.  I always want to spend actual Christmas day with my brother.  Always.  Two years ago we were not at home and not with my brother and it felt really bizarre.  Not that I don’t love the rest of my family but there’s something special about me and that kid on Christmas day, or any day really, and I missed spending it with him.   I realize that I can’t force Eric and his future wife {whom I like very much and would force to bend to my will constantly} to my whims constantly and that is the other part — while Eric never let me boss him around, I like to think he at least listened to my suggestions and took into consideration my feelings {which are often screeched loudly}.

I’m going to be a mess at the wedding, much like Miss K above.  I know that those I dos, are going to equal a lot of I can’ts or maybe next years or how about our places.  Which is so exciting for him and FSIL, and I couldn’t be happier.

Do you have a sibling getting married?  How did you deal?


3 thoughts on “On Loosing Your Sibling

  1. I totally know what you mean- I have two brothers that are not married but I often wonder what will happen when they do get married. I am the only girl in the family (besides my mom) and secretly I’m not super keen on sharing that title with any girl my brothers decide to bring into the family. 😉

  2. All I want is for our immediate family to have one week every year to spend together as a group. We have a HUGE family, with five brothers, you can imagine how hard it gets. I have a husband who happily travels to see my family as often as I want (we lived in the same town as his family for the first two years of marriage, so quality time with them wasn’t an issue). But I feel like the in-laws don’t always have the same consideration. On top of that, we have two guys in the military who have been deployed two out of the last three years. If we could have one week together, it would be awesome.

    • Completely agree! As I think my girl Erin @ justoneweek.net would too. All you need is like one solid week to just soak in everyone’s awesome.

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