On Divorce

Last week I was horrified to learn that John Edwards did in fact father the child of his mistress.  GROSS.

source

What I cannot really wrap my head around is how gracious Elizabeth Edwards {you know his wife dying of cancer, mother of his two legit children} has been through everything.  No word on how she’s handling the latest news, but I can only imagine it’s with extreme grace.  Per usu.

I admire most that the D word never came into play.  Divorce.

As a newlywed, I don’t really think about getting divorced.  Obviously.  But one of the stipulations of MB and I even getting married was the agreement that we do NOT under any normal circumstances believe that divorce is a viable option.

It is worth noting that we are very careful to say normal circumstances.  If one of us becomes some sort of murderer, domestic, child or other type of abuser then the circumstances will no longer be normal.  Hopefully we dont’ get to that point…

As I was saying.  We agreed mutually that despite how large our disagreements, how egregious our transgressions we would work them out.   We agreed that we would seek counseling.  We would take a break from the normal routine of marriage to work through our issues, for however long it will take, until we work out whatever problems we have {especially if there are children, we’ll figure out what’s best for THEM and then US}.

We had a long talk about the importance of our family and keeping that unit cohesive.  When we took that vows that a lot of you witnessed, we realized it was more than just about me + him.  It was about everyone + us.  Our families are depending on us to carry on the wonderful lessons they taught us about love, togetherness and family.  We realize that breaking that committment would not only be detrimental to us, but to a lot of other people.

I believe that John and Elizabeth Edwards may have made the same vow to each other.  And maybe, just maybe they feel the same way.  Or at least Elizabeth.  My only hope is that {God forbid} if anything like this would ever befall our family, I would hand it with as much grace and poise as the gallant Mrs. Edwards.

How do you feel about coping with extreme relationship stress?  Do you have any deal breakers?


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6 thoughts on “On Divorce

  1. By the D word never coming in to play—- umm – You do know they’ve officially filed for separation, don’t you?

    And if Matt ever cheated on me – not only would I cut body parts off him but I would leave him and then take our money and he wouldn’t see a dime. I say a dime because that’s all our money 🙂

  2. Did you happent to catch Gayle and Ted Haggard on Oprah the other day? Oh boy. That is one couple that might just want to consider throwing in the towel.

    Mike and I made the same committment to one another that you and MB made, but if either of us suddenly became murderous, abusive or some sort of pedophile, that would null and void the contract. Of course, if I found out that Mike was getting high on crystal meth and sleeping with male prosititues (a la Haggard), it probably would change a lot of things, too.

  3. My now ex-husband and I made that same commitment to one another. And then he had an affair. Like HCook I said that if he ever had an affair I would punish him. But I didn’t. My reaction was completly different. I wanted to save us. We went to counseling. But he quit. He left. He wanted a divorce. It is the worst thing I have ever been through. I hope it never happens to you because it is the most life altering thing…so painful. The dreams we had…gone. The commitments we made…not worth a dime.

  4. Re: Edwards. He didn’t just have an affair and father a child he: 1.) lied about it, 2.) had his friend lie and say it was his kid, 3.) urge her to have an abortion, 4.) pay her off with campaign funds, 5.) lie some more, 6.) deny his own child publicly and apparently in private multiple times… 7.) and did this all while his wife was battling cancer.

    I’ve never liked Edwards. Mainly because he got rich suing OB-GYNs using bad science and emotional juries. And everytime my OB-GYN costs are ridiculous, or they want to treat pregnancy like an illness, I thank Edwards for suing innocent docs.

    I know the point of this post is divorce, but I couldn’t pass up an opportunity to rant about Edwards. Grrrr. 🙂

  5. the problem with this is, rarely – if ever – do people go into marriage thinking they are going to get a divorce. and even if it’s in the back of their head, they still swear in front of everyone “til death do us part.” so, no offense, but to say “mb and i have decided that divorce is not an option” is fine… until it BECOMES an option for one of you.

    no one WANTS divorce (until they do), so i believe what you need to commit to instead is to try every every day to treat the other person the very best that you can.

    because that’s all you can do.

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