Extreme and Unexpected Symptoms

As noted, Saturday was traveling to Jtown. When we got there we did a lot of catching up with FSIL who had her bridal shower that I shamefully missed {I may or may not be the worst SIL/BM in the world while simultaneously being the best friend in the world…standby}. As she showed all of her amazing presents I welled up, thinking that it was because she and my babybrotha were going to be hitched in 8 WEEKS. As I sit here designing and redesigning RSVP cards, I realized, PWSD is back.

I’m heinous.

I think we all remember that period after the wedding where I couldn’t get anything together to save my life. I did a lot of crying and stomping and rambling around. I blamed my job, my weight, and my apartment on all my troubles — all things that were keeping me from the happiness that I’d felt when were planning and executing the big day.

Then I thankfully got over it, and I had other wonderful things going on that I was able to wake up and look around at, finally to enjoy. A lot has changed in the almost 9 months since MB and I said I Do. There’s been a major job change, a diagnosis and an impending graduation. I’ve grown up and we’ve grown together. I thought I was doing OK.

It might be the strong sccent of lilas of the 82 degree days at my parents lovely home that did me in: All I could think about today was our wedding.

And not even, just the day but the wonderful, blissful, purpose-filled days spent in Jtown crafting, creating and anticipating.

Should I bring this up to my family it will be filed under extreme narcissism and self-centeredness and I’d be kindly asked to get over myself. But upon further investigation I think everyone would find that, while I AM extremely elated when the spotlight is on me, I’m releasing my stress about another huge upcoming {and potentially heinous} life transition by harkening back to the “stressful” {I use this term lightly as planning a wedding is probably the least stressful thing I’ve ever done} wedding planning days that I adored so much. What’s coming down the pike for me and MB is another topic for another post, but I’m missing our wedding more than I ever have right at this moment.

And despite wanting my own process and wedding back desperately — I’m thrilled to be included in FSIL and brothers. It helps ease the pain.

Do you ever miss a super happy period of your life when the going gets tough?


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